You Told Me You Were Different

An Anthology by Kitty Robinson

This consciousness-raising anthology discusses mistreatment & abuse within the queer and transgender community. It contains 43 anonymous works of art and writing.

Excerpt:

Again and again, a new person would join, recount their story, and ask the eternal question of those who've been hurt & had

that hurt dismissed, ignored, or denied: Am I crazy?

No, we weren't. We traced the patterns together. We talked about what we had experienced, what we had witnessed, what had been done to us. We equally basked in the relief of no longer being alone, no longer feeling the need to repress every criticism, deny every hurt for fear that being hurt itself was anti-trans bigotry while also watching as the harms done to us were done to others. Our ability to name the cycle & escape it did not stop it from happening in full view every day. Another sexual predator outed, another confused & pleading post on social media by someone who doesn't understand why they're being hurt, another opportunity

to reach out, sometimes productively, sometimes not.

We weren't crazy, but we felt crazy.

I was so afraid of this. How many sessions has it been? Ten, maybe twelve. I told you so much. You listened, You were kind and thoughtful. Affirming. Comforting. I didn't tell you all of it but I told you a lot. I just wanted someone to hear me. I felt like I was going to choke to death holding those two years inside.

Pressure, control, manipulation, threats, lies, a hand raised, then lowered, raised again. Screaming at my flinching. Telling me he wished I dressed like a real girl so he could borrow my clothes. Inebriated rages, then sober ones. Ignoring my no. Forcing my legs open. Just a miscommunication. Hitting my dog, who I gave away to family, needing to protect my only friend, now alone. With him.

Weeks spent with nowhere to go but a friend's house. No home. No self-esteem. Embarrassing, ugly. The way he treated me, following me around every day, making

~ me sick. My hair not falling out but me feeling like it should so I started pulling it. Hidden cuts healing under my long pants, humiliating. Not eating.

Find the book here: https://medium.com/@kittyit/you-told-me-you-were-different-an-anthology-of-harm-ab6d43debab5

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